Weblog
Monday, 26 October 2009
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Matching My Mother-in-Law
I'm a little worried. Today I let my mother-in-law buy me a jacket. One that matches hers. So now my mother-in-law and I have matching clothes. But the thing of it is--it's a cute jacket, the patterns are different, so few people are likely to notice, and it was new clothes, which is always exciting.
(On a complete unrelated note, I've recently read "Eats, Shoots and Leaves" and am now overly aware of all the commas in this piece, as well as the fact that I punctuate within quotation marks like a Brit. Carry on.)
Here's the thing. I wouldn't trust my mother to buy me a jacket. And I doubt she'd offer. Oh, she might make a comment at Kohl's while buying something for the Banana (my sister) that if I find something five bucks or under she'll throw it on the tab, but to just tell me that she's found a jacket she thinks I'd like and has a coupon for it so let's meet at Christopher and Banks to pick one up--well, that would be unthinkable.
I remember when I first started dating Smiddy and met his sisters. I really liked them...and once I was engaged to Smiddy, I was very excited about the thought of being great friends with his sisters. I saw how close they were (This time the aside is related: at the time, my sister was nine, and we weren't close. We are now. End aside.) and wanted to be a part of that. I envisioned Christmas cookie making parties and long phone chats and our children growing up as best buddies. Instead, we had friendly relationships, but no real closeness.
But now, ten years later, I do find myself in longish texting conversations with my sister-in-law...and letting my mother-in-law buy me jackets. I think I expected that closeness to develop over night--and probably pushed it way too hard. Now that I've relaxed and let a few years of history develop, I'm realizing that I am blessed with an amazing family (and my own sister has become my best friend). It just took a little time.
Sunday, 11 October 2009
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Pulling the Ends Together
You know, I don't think that the current economic situation has affected the Beserker family as much as it has others. We've always had to watch our budget closely; apparently the past ten years were just practice for where we are now. But Featured Grownups wants to know how we have adjusted our lives to make ends meet, and here are some things we do here:
* The local MOPs (Mothers of Preschoolers) group does a meal exchange that I participate in. This week, I'm making a double batch of bran muffins (taste so much better than the name implies) and seven batches of Taco Twist Soup. On Thursday, I'll take them to the meeting and swap them out for seven different meals. I save money here by buying the pasta and other staples for the recipes in bulk or on deeply discounted sales. This also saves time. Sundays are usually hectic here, and having a meal that can just be pulled from the freezer and heated up saves a lot of stress.
* Along those lines, I'm buying more meat in bulk and prepping it myself. I can buy beef at Sam's Club for $1.79 a pound, then spend about an hour grinding it and packaging it myself. The finished result is very lean (we trim it as we grind it) and much less costly! I buy chicken breasts for $.99 a pound and then skin and debone them myself before freezing them. This summer we were able to pick tomatoes and bell peppers from Smiddy's grandpa's garden; I made salsa, diced tomatoes, and tomato sauce, then diced and julienned the peppers and froze everything.
* We're setting our priorities a little differently. We have to face the fact that fresh food is more expensive, even if it is more healthy. So I really budget where I spend on produce, making sure that none will go to waste and that I get the most bang for my buck.
* Instead of taking all of my children's outgrown clothing to GoodWill, I take it to Once Upon A Child. They give cash or store credit for items in good condition and also take toys.
* I'm letting my magazine subscriptions expire and checking them out from the library instead.
* I'm borrowing when I can. Instead of buying all new books for each homeschooling year, I borrow major resources from friends or the library, and then return them when I'm done. This also means my already full storage space doesn't have to be expanded!
* I threw a Tastefully Simple party this weekend and will use the free product I earned for a wedding gift next month.
* We explore the store brand on almost everything. If the store brand just won't work, then we watch for sales on the higher priced brand.
* We have discovered that WalMart will honor prices in sale fliers for our major grocery stores, Safeway and Albertson's. So rather than running all over town to three grocery stores (each of which might have one or two items on a really good sale), I make one stop at WalMart. I still get the savings, don't waste extra gas, and have an extra 45 minutes to spare.
* I'm trading babysitting with a friend.
* We've made use of the "envelope system" for our month-to-month spending. Each week has an envelope with a set amount of money to cover gas, groceries and other necessities. When that money is gone, we're done! It makes us really think through purchases. We also try to pay with cash instead of our debit cards, because that seemed to be where we were spending a lot of unnecessary money. Eating out is a treat, not a regular occurrence.
It's all about rethinking priorities and then finding new ways to do what is truly important. We have kept our gym membership because we know we'll need a good outlet when the weather turns nasty. On the other hand, we're looking at ways to get our phone/internet bill down because we see a lot of waste there.
Thursday, 08 October 2009
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Who Needs Whom?
A friend told me once that in every relationship there is someone who cares more than the other person, someone who is more invested in that relationship. And you know, it might be true, but not in the way I first thought. When I look at the relationships I have today, I realize that I bring something different to each relationship, and expect varying things from each one.
For example, I have a good friend back in Nebraska. This woman has served as my "homeschooling mentor" for years. She was the person who made me believe that I could do this thing, who has answered my questions and quelled my doubts and supplied me with resources and materials. I always thought that I was the one who "needed" her; that yes, she was glad to talk to me when I called, but that her life didn't fall apart when I moved to Wyoming. I've worried about being a bother to her. Well, she called me the other day, and at the end of the phone call made a point to tell me she missed me. It meant a lot to me to see that perhaps she needed me, too, if just a little bit.
I'd like to believe that in other relationships, I'm the one meeting needs. I have a friend here in Wyoming who moved here at the same time I did. She works full time and doesn't have a lot of time to meet new friends. Her husband misses "home" and makes little effort to put down any roots here. So Mindy and I take our kids to the park and chat while we watch them play. I call her just to see how the week is going, how baby Emmerson is adjusting to life and what Kellen thinks of her sister.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, except that in the ebb and flow of relationships, it's nice to get the reminder that you might not have to measure up to the expectations you've put upon yourself...and it's good to remember that maybe you need to step up and give a little more. Even though I view my mentor friend as the strong one in our relationship, what is it that I can do for her? And would it do my Wyoming friend good to have me depend on her a little bit more?
Wednesday, 23 September 2009
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Some Heavy Reading Glasses
Frenzy feels five pounds heftier as I carry her from the eye doctor's office, and the extra weight isn't due to the new frames and lenses she is sporting. No, it's the questions and concerns that weigh on me this afternoon. I complement Frenzy on her new look as I buckle her in, and I congratulate Chaos on his reading glasses. But as I pull away from the office, I still wonder, "Did I do the right thing here?"
I have no problem setting a brand-new pair of glasses on my son's face. He is seven, and he has shown signs of eye strain after too much time spent with his nose poked into a book or his eyes glued to the computer screen. He can vocalize what's going on to me, can articulate answers for the eye doctor. His lenses are for reading and screen time only, and will ease strain placed on his eyes by those activities. I can understand that.
But Frenzy is two and a half. Yes, I've seen younger children with glasses, but they usually had an obvious issue, like a crossed or lazy eye. According to the eye doctor, Frenzy's trouble is that she's extremely far-sighted, even more so than most kids her age. Add to that the fact that she might have some albinism (we getting that checked out soon) which could could lead to some serious vision issues down the road, and you've got yourself a cute little pair of lavender glasses.
But is this the right answer for her? What would happen if she never wore them? What if she wears them every day for the next two years and still develops convergence discrepancy? What if Smiddy continues to hold to the view that no toddler needs glasses (unless they have a visible problem) and we fight about it for the next year? What if the extra attention drawn to Frenzy by the glasses affects her in a negative way? What if...?
It's a constant in parenting--the continual hope that the decision you just made was the best one you could have made, given the circumstances and the information available. There are so many options for every situation, too many options, I often feel. Yes, modern medicine and science are truly a marvel, but do we sometimes jump the gun or go too far with that knowledge? Are we better off for the advances made?
And the answer is, of course we are. We're better off, because illnesses that were once life-threatening can now be avoided altogether, because we understand more about how we work. But that's the general population we're talking about here, not my precious little girl. What if what's right for the world isn't right for her?
But what I can do is my best, and that's what I've done. So until I uncover some new information or have concrete reasons to doubt myself, I'll hand Frenzy her glasses when she gets up from her nap, and we'll pick out a matching "pretty" for her hair, because this is where we are, and we can only move forward from here.
Monday, 21 September 2009
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Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder...Or Not.
I plunked myself down in my chair, thinking about how it had been "a couple of weeks or so" since I'd paid any attention to my Xanga, and likening it to the poor hamster belonging to Chaos...the hamster that doesn't get played with nearly as often as it should, the hamster that doesn't get its cage cleaned out until the entire bedroom starts to smell like rodent. Then I looked, really looked at the date on my last post. It's been six weeks!
Yikes. So here we are, middle of September, huddling in our sweaters because it snowed here this morning, and trying to decide where to go with the whole blog thing. I still love being able to get my thoughts down in a cohesive manner, the idea of having this to look at in years to come, the ability to jump in and read what everyone else is saying. It's just the labor involved in keeping it up that is killing me.
I came across a page of notes I took sometime during the summer. It was to be The Greatest Blog Entry Ever, or some such thing. Unfortunately, I can no longer remember how fruit flies and organic produce relate to midnight wanderings of the elderly, so we're all out of luck. Maybe sometime I'll just make something up.
I've gotta write down some of the things the kids say, I guess...they're usually worth repeating.


